Tuesday, when I found out about my impending loss of employment, I wasn’t really scared. I mean, I have been searching for so long for other jobs anyway that I just assumed it was only a matter of time before I moved on anyway, what’s the big deal?
Today, I’m panicking. I mean, I will be without a steady paycheck for the first time since I graduated college. That means that the portion of my paycheck that goes to bills won’t be there. The part of the mortgage that I help pay will have to be covered by Robert. That means a lot less going out, shopping, playing…everything. I was tasked this week with calling tree removal services since we have a few pine trees in the back yard that we need to get rid of, and we estimated it would be around $1,000 to remove them. This time last week, we figured we’d go ahead and do it, might as well. Now, we’ll need that $1,000 until I find a job. That’s kind of scary. I also found out today that the five days of vacation I have left through my contracting agency won’t be paid out to me, and I’m technically not even allowed to take vacation in the last 30 days of employment, so I can’t use the vacation time I have left to stay at home to look for a job. Definitely not cool on their part. That’s not to say we won’t be fine, we will be fine, but not having a second income right now is really hard to think about.
What’s more scary, and more aggravating, is that my current boss is now trying to get me out sooner than later, probably so they don’t have to pay my salary, which I understand, but I didn’t even get a weeks notice. But they’ve been paying my salary for the last three months with no problem when I wasn’t doing anything, so what’s changed?
So now I’m panicked and annoyed, and searching like crazy for a job, and just to rub a little salt in the wound, I’m training the guy who’s taking over my tasks, so the days when I actually have something I need to do (search for a job), I have something to do (train the new guy). I know God works in mysterious ways and has plans for us all, but really?! Is all the panic necessary?
Now, I know there are terrible things going on in the world, like in Japan and Lybia, and I know the people there are going through much harder and more stressful times than I ever will, but that doesn’t completely eliminate my right to worry, right? I hope not…
So for now, I will do my best to spend my time job searching and not worrying, plugging along until I find gainful employment, and hoping and praying something comes along.
Here’s to hoping this is a blessing in disguise. But that it won’t remain disguised for long.